Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fuck appropriateness.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
