You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
