and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
