Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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