don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
