Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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