I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
