Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
