If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
