I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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