K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
