He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
