Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
