So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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