Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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