Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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