i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
