i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
