I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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