Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
