i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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