Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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