its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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