This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dick very happy bro
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
