dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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