You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
