his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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