Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
