She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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