i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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