Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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