My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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