I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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