At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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