My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
