Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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