I must be too annoying 4 u.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
