Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
