Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
