every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
