I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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