dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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