this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
