fuck your aforementioned shoe
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
