I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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