I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
