Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
