just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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