the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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