He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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